Friday, November 30, 2012

The Head and The Heart

Have you ever wondered why you get a little goofy around that person you're crushing on? Why is it that you act normal and keep your cool everywhere except around people you really like? In this article I'm going to talk about why your head gets so activated when you fall in love, and how to try to keep your cool the best you can. 

Falling in love is one of the most potent spiritual experiences many of us have ever had. Feelings of oneness, of completion, of timelessness, and of ecstasy fall upon us. Yeah, it's some good s#*t! And because those feelings are so desirable--because we want love so badly--it can easily take us over. 

And herein lies the problem--when we believe that another person holds the key to feeling this good, they become all-powerful. Immediately, we are tricked into believing that love exists outside of us--in them! And if only we do and say all the right things, then we will get to hold onto to this amazing feeling of love. This is your ego talking to you, and it's a tricky little sucker. 

First thing to remember about the ego is that it is always going to tell you that what you want is outside of you. And this, although it seems believable, is a lie. 

Actually, what you want--that feeling of love that you want--is occurring within you. And the best way to make it last is to allow yourself to FEEL it. 

Your ego doesn't want you to feel love because it doesn't exist when you do. So it fights for it's life by pulling you back into your mind when your heart gets full. It feeds you all kinds of messages about what you should and shouldn't do to make that feeling of love last. And these messages do their job well--they distract you, taking you right out of the moment in which that beautiful feeling of love is existing. 

When your heart gets really activated, your ego gets activated to the same extent. This is why you get a little cuckoo.

So what should you do when your head starts to trip about love? Remember this: Love doesn't live in the mind. It lives in the heart. 

All you really have to do is recognize the ego's crazy voice inside your head and politely say, "No, thank you." Make an effort to drop back into your heart. Take some deep breaths. Allow yourself to feel into the love, rather than analyzing it. Your mind can really do a number on love; seriously, just put it in the back seat for awhile and enjoy your heart's ride. 

People are afraid to let their hearts lead the way. But my experience has been that it is not the heart that gets us into trouble; it's the head. You can easily overanalyze the goodness out of love; you can think yourself into a frenzy. You can list out all the pros and cons, the whats and whys and hows. But nothing, nothing is going to give more potent, more accurate information than how you feel. 

When you fall in love, trust it. Is your heart saying "yes?" Then listen. 

There is a level of wisdom that occurs beyond the mind. This is called intuition. When we let our heads get in the way and distract us from our the more intuitive messages, then we can miss out on the good stuff. Relax into love. Melt into it. Consciously allow yourself to feel your way through it. And don't be afraid. Love is supposed to feel really good--let it! The more you get out of your head and drop back into your heart, the better it's going to be. 

What You Should Know About Soul Mates

Many of us have pondered the concept of Soul Mates before. What is a Soul Mate? Do I have one? And if so, where is mine? The idea that there is one special person created just for you is too juicy not to consider. 

I definitely believe in Soul Mates, but my definition extends beyond the traditional idea of The One. What I personally believe is that a Soul Mate is a person that you are unexplainably drawn to be in relationship with; I believe they are brought into your life so that you can grow and expand into the best version of yourself. 

Let's think about attraction for a second. We come into contact with many, many people throughout our lives. And we are attracted to some of them. But there are only a few that we are so attracted to that we make a decision to partner-up with them. Why is it that we are pulled to get into relationships with just a few people? 

It is because our unconscious is leading the way when it comes to attraction. Love is not logical; it is of the Soul. And the Soul knows a thing or two; it's pretty damn smart. It will match you up with the very people you are supposed to be with--and it does this through attraction. When you feel a strong urge to enter a relationship with another person, rest assured, you have found a Soul Mate. 

Now, of course this does not mean that this relationship will last forever. Nor does it mean it's going to be a walk in the park. In fact, you can assume that you are going to come up against some challenges with your Soul Mate. Where there is potential for the greatest love there is also the potential for the greatest pain. Soul Mate relationships include both. 

I know, I know, you don't want this to be true. None of us do. We all want the love without the pain. We want bliss without breakdown. But, it isn't possible. 


Because both love and pain exist WITHIN US. What is within us is going to show up in front of us, especially in our relationships. This means that the unresolved issues that are residing within you are going to come to the surface; this happens in our most inmate relationships. Many of us are quick to right off our relationships when the going gets tough, but I'm here to assure you that challenges aren't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it's supposed to happen this way. Because what does not come to the surface cannot be healed. We have to look our demons in the eye if we want them to go away. 

People spend a lot of time questioning whether or not they are with the right partner. And usually this question arises when we feel pain or discomfort. But what if we shifted our perception a bit--what if we understood and accepted that discomfort is part of the deal? And this doesn't mean that we act carelessly with our partners to evoke more pain. Nor does it mean that we stick around in relationships that are abusive or too awful to tolerate. 

But what I am proposing is this: What if we recognized that discomfort comes from within us (no, it's not their fault) and that it is telling us that we need to change? What if we actually took responsibility for our uncomfortable feelings and approached them as a call to become conscious--to learn where we struggle the most and try to grow beyond these setbacks? 

Jung said, "Seldom or never does a marriage develop into an individual relationship smoothly without crisis. There is no birth of consciousness without pain." Pain is the opportunity; it literally is the call to wake-up and change. 

To personally evolve means to grow through the things that challenge us the most. Our Souls long to do this--we inherently want to become greater people. Deep within us we are driven to make our way through struggles and emerge victorious. Our Soul Mates are the people that give us the opportunity to do so by triggering our issues so we can become conscious of them and create a different reality.

And how do we move beyond the issues that get triggered in relationships? By choosing love instead. 

You can say that all feelings are categorized as either love or fear. To state the obvious, love feels good; fear does not. To grow simply means we transform experiences of fear into experiences of love. There are many simple and difficult opportunities to do this within a relationship. 

Choosing love means we see people (including ourselves) beyond their mistakes. It means we see the potential in our partners, even when they cannot see it within themselves. It means we are kind, compassionate, understanding, and forgiving, even when it's hard to do. It means focusing on the good in somebody else, rather than the bad. It means consciously committing to work through our stuff; to clean up our side of the street.

Your Soul Mate is someone to grow with. This doesn't come easy. They are going to challenge you in many ways, and that's ok. Don't write-off your relationship because it's difficult at times--understand that the difficultly is an opportunity for you grow.

The next time you start to question whether or not you have a Soul Mate, take a look at the person or people you are closest too. They are your Soul Mates. Quoting Jung once again, know that "in all disorder [there is] a secret order." The people who are in your life are here to help you become a better person, to expand and grow in love. 

All you have to do is accept the challenge.